How To Behave

12 12 2011

Lately every time I pick up a magazine, newspaper article, or more likely read a post from social networks, I find countless tips on etiquette, proper attire, how to behave in every possible scenario I might encounter.

I feel like I have time-warped back to the Fifties. One article insisted that if the invitation calls for “Business Casual” one should only consider dark slacks, a jacket, and a suit coat (khakis were listed as a definite no-no.) Ties were listed as optional.

It was also suggested that if you were not close friends with the host(s), you should research what type of gift to bring as a thank you for the invitation. If you find the host(s) like wine, that would be appropriate – if they enjoy sex toys that require the use of a car battery to operate, I assume that might be a welcome gift – if they are animal lovers, a small petting zoo would be a thoughtful present.

My personal complaint about the revival of new politically correct rules of etiquette is very simple. I don’t give a rat’s ass about what I am supposed to do, or not supposed to do. I don’t need these rules. I think I have enough sense to not bring a menagerie of animals for a gift, and I have never appeared at an event in Underoos.

The fact that people need to follow instructions about their behavior indicates that social networking could eventually take us back to the stone ages. Do we really need to know what not to say; what not to talk about; and how to act around other humans?

I think the answer might be “yes”. I am going straight to Google right now to brush up on my interpersonal skills. I hope I have at least a couple left. Until then, talk among yourselves. A few suggestions: the weather; whether Michael Bolton has the greatest voice ever; where can you still buy Underoos? These topics should keep you busy until it’s time to say goodnight (assuming that is still the correct thing to do.)


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