R U Evolving?

Is this
the face of our next evolutionary step? Judging from recent emails,
texts, and even resumes (yes, resumes!), we are utilizing our
tongues and mouths less and less, and our thumbs more and more. By
the year 2300, we should all have grotesquely oversized digits on
our hands, and practically non-existent mouths. From an
evolutionary point of view, what we fail to use for living will
eventually “breed out”. Sticks and stones may break our bones, but
IM will never hurt us. Abbreviations will be the new English,
thumbs the new vocal chords. Technically speaking we may still use
our mouths for kissing, and we will almost certainly still suck,
but food can be absorbed by osmosis, and emotions can be
transmitted via text and emoticons. I have seen resumes with
response websites listed as imreadytowork.com. I have seen texts
with the heartwarming I ❤ U message. As an old school (read
old) "English" major, this is the linguistic
version of extremely graphic and disturbing porn. Should I be
worried that I will be dismissed by readers as obsolete, out of
touch, decrepid, decaying? Probably not – anybody bothering to read
this still speaks a language. Anyone reading this can probably
still communicate without using a keyboard or touchscreen. But
reader beware, the human race is evolving. Maybe not us, but our
children, and their children's children. Archaeologists
millions of years from now might debate exactly when our unusual
race detoured from boring and pedestrian thumbs to the magnificent
appendages they will become. Visitors from space might surmise from
our skeletal remains that we were once a race of super-hitchhikers,
and hopefully will find the Douglas Adams books to back up that
theory. Gotta run – I ❤ U – U R 2CL. Before I go, please
honor my one last request: DNR.

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